Beyond the Magic Words: 8 Ways to Say Thank You!

Beyond the Magic Words: 8 Ways to Say Thank You

Beyond the Magic Words: 8 Ways to Say Thank You

You already know what the magic words are, right? That’s right: please and thank you! Baby boomers, in particular, seem adept at knowing how to thank people. Depending upon why you’re grateful, you could decide to send any of the following.

Personal Email

A customized and personal email is a quick way to say thank you. People really do love to be appreciated, and this is a way to go beyond the basic thank you. You could add a photo of something you know the person really likes, too. Are they crazy about pygmy goats? Send ’em a pic!

An Ecard

Include a picture of something your friend likes

Include a picture of something your friend likes

An ecard might include a picture of something your friend likes–such as a cup of espresso with a lemon twist, a microbrewed beer, or a nerdy hat. Or how about a gift card to that special brewery you visited together?

Poetry

A cute or funny poem adds an element of surprise and delight! You may find that no one has ever written a poem for your friend. Be sure to include details that you especially like and why you are appreciative. For bonus points, add alliteration and rhyming.

Photographs

How about a flattering photo of your friend or a photo of the two of you together? If you know your friend pretty well, then a slightly embarrassing one is even better! Like that photobomb from the Giants game–the one where, um…mistakes were made? Or the belly flop into the deep end of the pool? Oh, yes.

A Small Gift

Most people appreciate a cup of coffee or gift card. If you can find out where your friend likes to go, that would be even more personal. But don’t hold off sending a gift because you don’t have all the details yet! And **gasp** you could even ask them what they like! But be cagey when you ask; don’t tell them why you need to know!

Flowers

Flowers are a turbo-charged form of thank you. Most people love flowers (hint, hint), and some people rarely get them. To make them more special, find out what your friend’s favorite colors or types of flowers are. Home-grown purple roses? Bright red tulips? Yellow chrysanthemums? If you don’t know, you might match their eye color or the color they wear a lot.

Jewelry

Jewelry is still more personal. A bracelet or necklace make very sweet gifts. Some jewelry, though, can be fraught with romantic overtones–unless you are very confident that the giver wants to receive the jewelry, it’s best to save this for a very special relationship. Unless you like being in trouble, that is.

Gift Basket

For a client, or for a big milestone event, personalized gift baskets are fab. You might send fruit or baked products from your area. Anything scented is more difficult, unless you already know what your friend likes.

How Do You Like to Be Thanked?

Do you remember a particularly good gift? What made it so memorable? Please let me know in the comments!

 

The Power of a Complaint, Part II

The Power of a Complaint

The Power of a Complaint

So you’ve read my first post about my run-in with BL&T, and you want more, more, more! You won’t be satisfied until you get it! I have little to report, and of that, none is very interesting. Therefore, I will amuse you with a bunch of  random things until I run out of words and have to go to sleep.

The Escalation Team

After my issue went to the “Escalation Team,” I received two calls and some email. Let’s call the customer service rep “Irene.” The message went something like this: “We have received your request to escalate this issue. Please call this [long, long number], refer to this case number [another number], along with this access code [another number] and this extension [another number]. Please solve for x, where x = the ratio of your sanity divided by where your career track would be if quantified by a number and you did not have to return this call.

Ok. I made that last part up. But you knew that! Because by now you know me. We are good buddies, you and I. Well, not really. Sort of. Ok, not so much.

I still have Internet problems

So now it is late Wednesday night, and the Interwebz still no workie over here. For instance, some of you commented on my blogpost, and I never saw any notifications! The emails went into BL&T’s big bit bucket, and some snarky email-eating grinch is probably chewing on them right now. At any rate, Houston, we still have a problem. Yes, we do.

So since you and I are stuck here in this story together, this is what I’ve been up to. I would’ve done an interpretive dance, but instead here’s a photo montage of what I’ve been doing since first complaining to BL&T.

Stacking Pennies!

Stacking Pennies

Stacking Pennies

[

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Reorganizing My Stamp Collection!

This is probably organized enough

This is probably organized enough

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Watching Grass Grow!

Watching Grass Grow

Watching Grass Grow

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Finishing a Humongous Jigsaw Puzzle!

18,000 Pieces? Pffft! No Problem!

18,000 Pieces? Pffft! No Problem!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Building a House of Cards

House of Cards

House of Cards

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Listening to Crickets!

Crickets

Crickets

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Will My Internet Connection Get Fixed?

And also, I’m not quite sure how it happened but I woke up this morning with a long white beard. So that’s my story. What’s yours? Leave your guess as to when the Internet will get fixed in the comments below. Maybe we can have a pool with a prize. Would you like that? 

The Power of a Complaint

The Power of a Complaint

The Power of a Complaint

Recently, I had an issue with the speed of my Internet service. The issue was: Speed = NOT. So I called my Internet provider. Let’s call them BL&T. 9:30 p.m.: I call BL&T to explain my problem. They say someone will get back to me within 30 minutes and to stay off the phone. So I stay off the phone. (Of course, I guess in case Old Mrs. Persnickety needs the party line to call Doc Crotchety about her lumbago.) 10:30 p.m.: No call from BL&T so I decide to call it a night.

The Next Day

The next morning, BL&T still haven’t called. So I do what any self-respecting, awesome social media manager does: find their customer service on Twitter and send a tweet.

I get a nice and polite reply back, very quickly.

Internet Provider

At this point, I put down the biodegradable spork I am using to stab myself repeatedly in the eyeball. 9:45 a.m.: The BL&T technician calls me, saying he’s on his way over. About 20 minutes later, he knocks on my door, very politely covers his feet with shoe covers, and looks at the router. After looking at the inside setup, he sees that there’s nothing wrong inside my place, so he goes outside to examine the exterior of the building. He comes back.

My Interwebz No Workie

Not the Actual Spork in Question

Not the Actual Spork in Question

He goes to examine the box on the phone pole, which is a distance away (I’m not sure where, exactly). At this point, I’m not angry with the technician, but it’s frustrating because I use the Internet a lot. (As in, how much ice cream would you eat if there were no downside? Answer: ALL OF IT a lot. That’s the definition of how much I need, love, and want the Internet. Which I’m sure you were dying to know because I’m just that fascinating. And humble. And not at all loquacious.) Also: I’ve been out of the office for 3 days and am slammed with tweets which have piled up higher than my head.

Slight Digression

I love the Internet more than this ice cream

I love the Internet more than this ice cream

Let me digress for a moment here. Remember that tweet I sent earlier? It turns out that BL&T deleted it from their stream (although I saved the screen shot, which I present above for your viewing pleasure in case you are not yet familiar with my incredible genius mind).

To take BL&T’s side for one second, I understand that they don’t want their entire stream littered with people ranting. They want Happy Shiny People, who only sing their praises in perfect harmony. And also puppies. But! This issue was on its way to being fixed. Can you see where I’m going with this? If you’re reading this, you do know–since some of my awesometasticness has rubbed off on you. After all, I have an infinite amount.

Instead of deleting the tweet, BL&T could’ve left it up, and shown the resolution. Instead, they chose to delete the tweet.

Ok. Digression over. You forgot that was a digression, didn’t you? So transfixed were you by the incredible storytelling of moi. Anyways, the guy is back now. He says, you’re paying for 6Mbps, but only getting 3Mbps, so you could downgrade and the line would be more stable.

He leaves. I thanked him warmly and did not punch him in the throat. (Hey, where’s my Nobel Peace Prize?)

At least now I had some answers, although still no stable Internet. And obviously somebody over there does know something.

I hadn’t called BL&T yet, when to my delight, they called me! Or actually, they had a robot call me, with a message saying they wanted to “close the ticket.” “Rutrow,” I thought. Close the ticket? Heaven forfend! Closing the ticket would mean all was right in the world of Internet memes (like my favorite: Grumpy Cat). And my Internet connection still had a big owie. Why would they close the ticket? Was night day? Was up down? Did cats not invent the Internet after all? I stayed in Phone Call Treelandia to make sure the ticket wasn’t closed.

Tap Dancing to the 1812 Overture

Tap Dancing to the 1812 Overture

Finally, after 10 minutes of entering phone numbers and tap dancing to the 1912 Overture, I hear the answer to my prayers: “Press zero to speak to a live operator.” Halleluiah! The cavalry will be here shortly! Then this: “We’re closed now. Call us back later.” OMG. Just when you think nobody has a sense of humor any more. When I get my own big company, I’m going to play this same prank on my tired, frustrated customers. Good one, BL&T! When the 2013 Prankie Awards are given out, you will be #1! Foam Rubber Finger!

But Wait! There’s More! Only not yet. How will this end? Will my Internet get fixed? Will BL&T get another nomination for the Prankies? Will the guy in the building next door stop playing that stupid kazoo? Has anyone seen my keys? Tune in next time for some answers. Maybe not to these questions, but you never know. Plus also more questions. And also maybe a recipe for BBQ sauce.

Calling All Spork Breakers

Have any of the rest of you ever been in a never-ending struggle? Are you also in the middle of a pitched battle? And how many sporks did you break before finding resolution? Please leave your rant below!

Baby Boomers: Social Media 101

You’re a Baby Boomer, intent on learning about social media. That’s great! Now what? Well, you might learn from your friends, if they’re part of GenC, and connected. But more than likely, you will learn from someone else, perhaps a consultant, or from hands-on trial and error. First off, congratulations for deciding to learn. Secondly, social media is just a bunch of tools. You already have the knowledge you need–good manners, pacing, and emotional intelligence. Let me explain.

This post was inspired by a cartoon I saw recently, and retweeted:

LinkedIn

Remember your trusty Rolodex? You can still keep a Rolodex–if you like–but having all that information online is so much simpler. Plus, it gets updated automagically whenever someone changes their job, so you don’t have to use White Out. If there’s a good place for a Boomer to get started on social media, this is the place. The pacing is slower, and you only connect with whomever you want to talk to. And you’ve already got the good manners and mad listening skills.

Pinterest

Contrary to popular belief, Pinterest is quite easy. Pin things you like, just as you would on a vision board. On your boards, remove things that are outdated or that don’t get liked or repinned. Comment on other people’s pins (because nobody does that!), and you’ll stand out! If your audience is Boomer women, so much the better!

Facebook

Remember your trusty Rolodex?

Remember your trusty Rolodex?

For a boomer, Facebook is easy. Share authentic posts with your friends. Share a photo of something odd you saw during the day, or a thought you had. You can start by lurking if you want to learn. Then start to “like” your friends’ posts, comment, and finally, share things from your friends. You would never tell someone to buy your stuff on day one, because as a boomer you know about pacing! That’s pretty much all there is to it.

Skype

Skype is just a tool for talking, with video so you can see the other person. And since you are already a pro at using the phone, this is super easy. It’s like a chat with a neighbor over the back fence. With your advanced emotional intelligence, you have this nailed.

Twitter

Twitter is maybe the most advanced of the tools. You may need a little time to learn the lingo. But again, Twitter is just a tool to talk to people. As a boomer, you are a natural talker and know how to engage. Do not have Twitter phobia! With Twitter, you can connect to people all over the world, or in your neighborhood.

Are You A Boomer?

If you are, I’d like to say: don’t be intimidated! You already have the most important skill set, and with these new tools, you will be unstoppable! Don’t let anyone look down at you for checking out these new tools. Really.

Social Media: New Ways to Fail!

Social Media: New Ways to Fail!

Social Media: New Ways to Fail!

You got on Twitter, but you don’t tweet. You won’t show your face on Facebook, your Pinterest has a bunch of boards without any pins, and forget about Google Plus! There’s absolutely too much to do, and you don’t have enough time to goof around on the Interwebz. Does that sound like you? It actually sounds like a lot of people. There are so many ways to fail, and here are some more in case you haven’t tried these.

Ignore People

When people send you a tweet or tag you on Facebook, don’t respond. Turn off all notifications (what a nuisance!) and pretend not to notice anybody.

Post Once a Month

Post about 2,000 times once a month. Then stop until the same time next month. Calendar it now!

Use Broadcast Mode

Send out your messages continuously, and use UPPER CASE. And lots of punctuation marks!!!!!!!!! People love it when they think you’re yelling!

Don’t Say Anything

Alternately, adopt radio silence. Make like a cricket.

Stalk People

Post embarrassing pictures of your friends on Facebook without asking them and then tag them so that all their friends will see how great they look when they’re drunk and punching a cop in the face. When they ask you about it, laugh. If they ask you to take them down, say “why? you look so good!”

Steal Content

Take other people’s content and pretend it’s yours. When someone politely asks you to stop sharing your content, ignore them.

Be Boring

Make every story sound exactly like the last one. And the next one. And the one after that.

Cross-Post

Use your tweets on Facebook, your Pinterest pins on Instagram, and act hurt when nobody comments on your things.

101 Dalmations

Post only pictures of dogs, nothing else. Or if you’re not into dogs, how about cookie jars? Or old spoons? Everybody finds fire hydrants as fascinating as you do!

Rant

Ranting is a wonderful way to fail

Ranting is a wonderful way to fail

Are you a member of the aluminum foil hat brigade? Let your freak flag fly and rant endlessly about aliens, conspiracies, the government, the other political party, how ObamaCare has failed, and so on. Here are some of the benefits and down sides of ranting.

What New Ways Have You Found to Fail?

Are you as amazed as I am at all the creative ways people find to fail? Let me know about it in the comments!

Social Media Conversation Starters

Social Media Conversation Starters

Social Media Conversation Starters

You might have had some practice starting conversations during the holidays or at parties. “Hey,” you might say. “Hey,” says your new friend. “How’s the punch?” you ask. “Pretty good.” your new friend responds. And a beautiful friendship is born. See? You already know a lot about talking! But in case you need to say a little more in an online conversation, here are your…

Social Media Conversation Starters

Before you say anything else to someone, before you tell them to “like your Facebook page” in an unsolicited direct message on Twitter, you might want to start a conversation. Some good times to start conversations are late at night, on Fridays during #FridayFollow, or on the weekend. Holidays are a perfect time to begin conversations, too.

Greetings Are Important

Greetings are important

Greetings are important

Just as in real life, the hellos, nice to meet you’s, and so happy you could make it’s are the hors d’ouevres of a good social media meal. Without them, conversations will seem a little weird because you’ve skipped steps. Greetings are what get us going in any relationship. They’re the bread and butter of your social media dinner.

Seven to Thirteen Touches

If you’re selling something, as many people are on social media, it takes 7 to 13 touches to qualify a lead. You may have heard this before. I love the chart (Figure 2) in this article about how most prospects never receive enough touches. So using a “soft touch” in social media goes a long way towards nurturing a relationship.

Always Ask Questions

Usually people will tell you something about themselves or their brand on their profile. Take a look and comment on what you see there. Start off with “I love the…” and fill in the blank. “…thing you say about bicycle pumps.” “…way you string together nouns.” Anything to get the conversation started. Even noticing where they’re from or asking about the weather or their holiday plans is perfectly fine. Here’s an example from a recent conversation with Stephanie Mount on Twitter:

 Make it About Them

Don’t be waiting for a break in the conversation so you can talk about yourself. Let the other person lead and be willing to be surprised by listening. That way, it’s more of an adventure. You never know what people will say! Most people love to talk about themselves, so give them the opportunity. Alex Feinman has some good ideas in his blog (I particularly like the part about “merging” and his comparing it to traffic).

Be Funny

Not all of us are born comedians, but sharing a funny story usually helps to break the ice. I really like self-deprecating humor because that’s just my thing. And if someone makes me laugh, chances are, I’m going to like them because that’s the way to my heart. What’s the way to yours? Try what works on you with other people and you could be surprised.

What Are Some of Your Most Effective Conversation Starters?

Pull up a chair, sit down, and leave a comment!

 

Six Amazing Social Media Startup Secrets!

Six Amazing Social Media Startup Secrets!

Six Amazing Social Media Startup Secrets!

Now, how many times have you heard that word “amazing” lately? I’d be willing to bet you’ve heard it a bunch of times this morning, before breakfast. What I really want to talk about is how people are misusing words, both in headlines and in posts on social media. So here’s my not-so-secret rant about amazing! And secrets! Heck, I’ll even throw in a cat video so you can get everything in one place and you won’t have to read another post all day. Now THAT is amazing!

There Are No Secrets

Disclaimer: There are no secrets here. All of the things I’m about to tell you are not amazing. They’re not even awesome. They are merely adequate.

Make the Headline Match the Content

If you’re promising something that’s amazing, we’d better read something amazing. As the comic Louis CK says, “We go right to the top shelf with our words.” “Really? You were amazed by your chicken wings?” If your chicken wings are amazing, what are you going to do for an encore?

Startup Secrets to Awesome Social Media!

Do you really think a 300-word blogpost is going to give you all the secrets? The secret is that social media success for startups–or anyone, for that matter–is a combination of hard work, creating great content, and good timing. That’s it.

Look This Way

The Secret Is There Are No Secrets

The Secret Is There Are No Secrets

When you hear an incredible promise for a fantabulous post, and you actually get nothing, do you not feel cheated? We all see the same 20 articles, repurposed every month. It’s like that article about Super Fast Weight Loss or the Secret to Transforming Your Health! that gets recycled in every women’s magazine every month. The internet is no different than that women’s magazine.

Good Is Hard Enough

The moral of the story is that not every blogpost is going to be amazing. Some will be just barely adequate. Like this one.

Do You Disagree?

If you do have a secret, tell me all about it. Really.

Blogging Tips for Startups

Blogging Tips for Startups

Blogging Tips for Startups

Do you have a startup? Are you blogging yet?  Why not? How about now?  Are you tired of being harangued with the idea that every startup needs to blog? How do you get started? What do you write about? How long should posts be? Today I’m pulling back the curtain and sharing some of my personal tips.

Blog Every Day

Yes, it sounds overwhelming. Yes, you can write in small increments. Yes, it will help your startup. Back when I started to exercise, I gave myself an out whenever I went to the gym. If I didn’t feel better after 15 minutes, I allowed myself to leave. During many years of exercising, I’ve only left twice. So set that timer for 15 minutes and get going! You can do it! Now I post twice weekly–Tuesdays and Thursdays. Maybe you can’t do that much, but how about once a month?

Start 5 Topics

Simply put in the headlines (and you can even change those later). For instance, “5 Reasons Your Business Needs a Break Room,” “Behind the Scenes at [your company name here],” “Our 6 Favorite Business Tools.” You get the idea. Throw them in there and don’t worry too much. Having 5 topics going at once gives you no excuse to stop writing. When you’re done writing on one post, jump to another. This idea came from Syed Balkhi, by the way. I wrote about him in a post on WordCamp Orange County, too.

Don’t Be Afraid

Don't be afraid that you'll run out of ideas

Don’t be afraid that you’ll run out of ideas

I’ve run across this fear from talking to people in startups who don’t blog. They’re afraid they’ll run out of topics. But the reverse is true: the more you blog, the more topics you’ll think of. You’ll meet other bloggers, and they’ll give you ideas. (For instance, the idea for this post came from my bud Bridget Willard.) You’ll influence them, too! That was one of the most wonderful things that happened to me–meeting other bloggers and sharing ideas. And don’t forget to go to WordCamp if you can. You may be able to attend virtually if you can’t travel.

Toss Topics That Don’t Go Anywhere

There is a limitless number of topics, so toss the ones that just sit and sit. This helps your blog feng shui. Yes, I just made that up. Hahaha! If your startup is a team effort, you could have team members help each other with writing and editing or take turns so there’s less pressure on any one person.

Brain Dump!

Use the old-fashioned "keyhole" approach to writing

Use the “keyhole” approach to writing

Now without thinking too hard, start throwing a bunch of words in your post. Usually I use the “keyhole” concept. Think of an old-fashioned keyhole. Start general, narrow it a bit, put in a topic sentence (if you want), then 3 or 4 paragraphs about that topic, then the wrap up and generalization at the end. That’s it. 350 words gets you a post. Could you do that? Sure you could!

Be Funny

Sometimes I crack myself up. I really do! I’m not saying that to brag. But if a funny idea pops into your head, why not share it? It’s what makes you unique. I’m not a subscriber to the belief that everything has to be so professional that there’s no personality in there. Usually, when I write, the funny bits get added later. One funny bit often leads to another, and so on.

Read it Out Loud

I like my blog to be casual, so I read it out loud. You can also read it aloud to someone else. A tip that really helped me was someone telling me “if you can speak, you can write.” And it’s true. I truly believe that anyone can write. If, when you read your writing, it sounds more like you’re reading someone else’s words, rewrite the words so it sounds like you’re speaking. You’re an expert at something. Come on. You know you are!

Add Links

I like to put in four links–two to my own posts and two outgoing, to someone else’s article or blog. Try to make them a natural part of your post, though. Don’t force a topic by adding your own links until you’ve got a little content.

Add Images

Read Your Post Out Loud

Read Your Post Out Loud

Creative Commons is my favorite place to get images. Don’t forget to use the advanced search and find images that can be shared and used commercially. Recently I’ve started using my own pictures, too. I drag all images into a photo editor and add my name or the photographer’s name from Creative Commons at the bottom. I take my picture using my iPhone and sometimes a tiny lens (the 4-in-1 from OlloClip is fantastic!). Label the images within WordPress. I use a minimum of two images. Three or four for longer posts.

Let Stew

Some people are great writers and they can write perfect, full sentences. I’m not one of those. So I usually start my posts on the weekend and get the majority of the words in there. Tuesday’s post is usually, but not always, done by Sunday night. Thursday’s post is half-baked and gets finished during the week. I don’t have 10 sitting around waiting to be scheduled, but maybe in the future. Maybe.

I’m Still a Beginner

Some of my friends have written upwards of 300 posts, and some day I’ll get there. I know I have a long way to go. I’m always learning. I learn from my friends, and reading others’ blogs. CopyBlogger is a great one for bloggers.

Call to Action

Here’s the part where I ask you a question. Something like “Did I miss anything?” or “What do YOU think?” but you could put in your own call to action. Please visit us on Pinterest! Send us cupcakes! Donate to our Indiegogo! You get the idea! So my real call to action is: please leave a comment!

 

 

 

What BatKid Can Teach Social Media Managers

What BatKid Can Teach Social Media Managers

What BatKid Can Teach Social Media Managers

By now, you’ve all heard about BatKid–unless you don’t own a computer, just got back from the Amazon jungle, or live in a cave. Not a batcave–a regular cave! Weren’t you astonished to watch a somewhat small story hit the bigtime and go international? Here in the San Francisco Bay Area, we were all happy and excited to hear about #SFBatKid. Some of my friends volunteered to be part of the crowd at Civic Center and many took photos from wherever they were.

What BatKid Can Teach Social Media Managers

We’ve all heard about keeping the end in mind, and for most Social Media Managers (SMMs), going “viral” is what we all look for. But you never know what will go viral, and what will catch the interest of the world. You don’t want to be a bad social media manager, do you?

Positive Stories Outweigh Negative Stories

Despite what you may have heard, people still love a feel-good story. And this one has so many positives to it. We’ve all been hearing about wars, terrible rumors about ObamaCare, and global warming. And a few weeks ago, our country was on the brink of economic disaster. So this story was timed just right (not that there’s a bad time for a story about a kid beating leukemia and wanting to be a superhero!).

People Love Stories

If you tell a story on social media, rather than just describing an event in a dull way, the story becomes larger. You look bigger and everyone gets entertained in the process. If you get people to cry, that’s a transformational experience. And this was the story that left a lot of us (me, too!) crying. Who can’t get behind a kid beating leukemia? And this story caused many people, including yours truly, to overpost and share.

It’s Not All About You

When people are generous, and get excited about a cause, it grows and grows. In this case it was the generosity of the Make-A-Wish charity in their desire to grant Miles Scott his wish of being a superhero that touched us. Twelve-thousand volunteers stepped forward. Even President Obama, who understands how social media works more than most politicians, got involved with a Vine video.

Everybody Loves a Happy Ending

Could this story be any more perfect? It was so adorable, and so overwhelming to the family. We’re all rooting for this little dude. What’s great about this story is that this kid got what he wanted. He got an unforgettable day, and the whole world smiled. This spectacular event can remind us all that the Make-A-Wish charity is full of superheroes.

Secrets of the Social Media Circus, Part II

Secrets of the Social Media Circus, Part II

Secrets of the Social Media Circus, Part II

You may have seen my first post, Secrets of the Social Media Circus, about some of the clowns you might see around on social media. Some of those clowns escaped from that first post in their tiny cars, but I’ve managed to recapture some here. Finally! Considering that they wear such big shoes, they can run (and drive) pretty fast!

Insane Clowns

The Insane Clown is a spammer. She is responsible for those Twitter Direct Messages that say “Have you seen this bad joke about you?” with viruses in links to phishing sites. Do not let this Krazy Klown spray you with social media seltzer water. And do not lean in to smell the squirting daisy on her lapel because that water is clowntaminated. Yes, the insane clown deserves a prominent role–in the Social Media Clown Hall of Fame, that is.

Rodeo Clowns

This clown does all kinds of fancy rope tricks, and will get you roped in, too. Don’t hire these clowns to do your social media because when the bull is charging, you’ll be all alone in the middle of the ring, while your “clownpadres” hide safely in their barrels. While they’re juggling you and their other clients, one of the pins often drops…and that’s when they do their grand finale–their disappearing act. Once the circus is over, you’ll be the one following the elephants with the shovel, if you get my drift.

Harlequins

Harlequins are the predecessors of modern clowns. The translation of harlequin is “demon or hellion.” His main purpose in life is to break laws, confuse people, and do tricks. Sounds like a pretty modern clown to me! And also like a few of the clowns you could meet on any social media platform.

The Nice, Kind Clown

The Nice, Kind Clown

The Nice, Kind Clown

Haha! Fooled you–there’s no such thing! In their hearts, all clowns are evil. There’s even a special psychological term for the fear of clowns: Coulrophobia. We all knew that. Wait a minute. Do you hear that faint honking sound in the distance and the pitter-patter of giant shoes? I was only kidding! Clowns can take a joke, right? RIGHT? AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!

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