Deflective Armor Online
Recently, I was in a Google Plus Hangout about “Deflective Armor,” and how we all encase ourselves sometimes to avoid difficult feelings. Sometimes this armor is a thin shell and sometimes we wear a mask to hide what we’re feeling. I can really get behind this topic. Online, as an introvert, I very often don’t want to share what I’m feeling. Sometimes describing how I’m feeling is too complicated, and it’s easier to just say “everything is fine.” Other times, I simply don’t want to share. As I get more followers, too, sharing with thousands of people is very different than sharing with just a tiny group of close-knit friends. I may not be close enough to the person to want to share, even though sharing would of course make me feel closer. In any event, it’s a lack of trust (in a stranger) that is often at the heart of why I might not want to share.
How Do You Really, Really Feel?
Sometimes knowing how we feel can be a complex puzzle in that it requires processing to get to the heart of the matter. It’s complicated enough to talk about our feelings–and what about those times when you don’t know what you’re feeling, or you haven’t decided how you feel? Sometimes I have to think through and process for some time before knowing–maybe that’s part of being an introvert.
Barriers Can be Physical or Psychological
Some of the physical barriers we might put up include a costume–anything from big shoes, to a wig, to fake eyelashes–all of which can hide who we really are to psychological barriers (being too busy to get into one’s real feelings). Although revealing our true selves can always make us closer to others, we might not want to make the leap of faith to get there, especially if you’ve ever been hurt by someone online.
Lead through Revelation
Let Some of Your Secrets Loose
Often I’ve found that being the first one to reveal what you’re truly feeling gives everyone else permission to be honest. Sometimes people “trade” a piece of truth for another piece of truth. Revealing a secret makes someone else reveal a secret, like it’s a form of currency. As kids in school, we like to tell each others’ secrets. “Shh! Don’t tell anyone!” we’ll say, even while we are betraying someone else’s secret. But if it’s our own secret, is it a betrayal? But how about as leaders? Don’t we want to be able to lead by being honest? A full 40% of executives say that they are introverts, as reported by Forbes.
How Do You Choose What to Reveal?
I don’t pretend to have all the answers here. Being honest can be a difficult dilemma online. How do you choose what to reveal and what to hide? Please leave me a comment! I’d love to know what you think!
Firstly, I love that you and Big Data Kitty are in the tank.
It’s funny, because hardly anyone even sees a tweet these days, I feel safer venting there over Facebook where I’ve accumulated some people.
THIS is perfect:
“Often I’ve found that being the first one to reveal what you’re truly feeling gives everyone else permission to be honest.”
It’s really true. Being vulnerable is a strength, not without risk, but really needful.
Thanks for the comment about Big Data Kitty. She appeared on a G+ hangout today (she was grumpy because it was naptime). I feel the same way about venting on Twitter versus Facebook. Seems like a tweet can get buried so quickly. Tweets are like drops of water in a huge ocean.
Being vulnerable can be a strength, once there’s a certain measure of trust. And that’s not always easy to get.
Thanks, as always, for your comments. I appreciate you so much!
Carol
Exactly!
Thanks, Bridget!
Lack of trust is probably one of the biggest barriers to online disclosure. Also, oftentimes a person may not feel they are part of the “club” & feel their contributions may be unwelcome, ignored, or in some cases, ridiculed.
Yes, I have to agree with you on the lack of trust issue. Introverts, in particular, may need to feel like they’re part of the club before they’ll reveal their deepest, darkest secrets…or even their most shallow secrets for that matter! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Carol
I’m on the same level with you Carol. I’m not big on sharing too much. Could be another reason I’m not big on selfies. It shares too much.
Hi Patricia,
I’m with you. Even though I’m on social media, I don’t share a lot of personal information. Some of us are fairly reserved. Thanks for the comment. I appreciate that!
Carol