Carol Stephen, Author at

Deflective Armor Online

March 6, 2014 By Carol Stephen 8 Comments

Deflective Armor Online

Recently, I was in a Google Plus Hangout about “Deflective Armor,” and how we all encase ourselves sometimes to avoid difficult feelings. Sometimes this armor is a thin shell and sometimes we wear a mask to hide what we’re feeling. I can really get behind this topic. Online, as an introvert, I very often don’t want to share what I’m feeling. Sometimes describing how I’m feeling is too complicated, and it’s easier to just say “everything is fine.” Other times, I simply don’t want to share. As I get more followers, too, sharing with thousands of people is very different than sharing with just a tiny group of close-knit friends. I may not be close enough to the person to want to share, even though sharing would of course make me feel closer. In any event, it’s a lack of trust (in a stranger) that is often at the heart of why I might not want to share.

How Do You Really, Really Feel?

Sometimes knowing how we feel can be a complex puzzle in that it requires processing to get to the heart of the matter. It’s complicated enough to talk about our feelings–and what about those times when you don’t know what you’re feeling, or you haven’t decided how you feel? Sometimes I have to think through and process for some time before knowing–maybe that’s part of being an introvert.

Barriers Can be Physical or Psychological

Some of the physical barriers we might put up include a costume–anything from big shoes, to a wig, to fake eyelashes–all of which can hide who we really are to psychological barriers (being too busy to get into one’s real feelings). Although revealing our true selves can always make us closer to others, we might not want to make the leap of faith to get there, especially if you’ve ever been hurt by someone online.

Lead through Revelation

Let Some of Your Secrets Loose

Often I’ve found that being the first one to reveal what you’re truly feeling gives everyone else permission to be honest. Sometimes people “trade” a piece of truth for another piece of truth. Revealing a secret makes someone else reveal a secret, like it’s a form of currency. As kids in school, we like to tell each others’ secrets. “Shh! Don’t tell anyone!” we’ll say, even while we are betraying someone else’s secret. But if it’s our own secret, is it a betrayal? But how about as leaders? Don’t we want to be able to lead by being honest? A full 40% of executives say that they are introverts, as reported by Forbes.

How Do You Choose What to Reveal?

I don’t pretend to have all the answers here. Being honest can be a difficult dilemma online. How do you choose what to reveal and what to hide? Please leave me a comment! I’d love to know what you think!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: armor, being hurt, online, revelation, secrets, Social Media

Pinterest: Secrets to Better Board Covers

February 27, 2014 By Carol Stephen 14 Comments

Pinterest: Secrets to Better Board Covers

One way to get more people to see your Pinterest boards is to change the board covers occasionally. Changing the cover image is a fairly easy way to get a whole new look, and you can still keep the same content on your boards. Here are some ways I like to make mine look fresh. By the way, if you’re a startup just getting started on Pinterest, you might want to read my Pinterest Tips for Startups.

Change Your Covers Every Month

I like to change board covers every month. You might have a favorite pin that isn’t getting enough traffic. Why not make that pin the cover for your board? While you’re at it, edit the text so that it’s easier to find in search (I love Pinterest’s search, by the way). Give some thought to your board covers–your pins might not go viral, but you’ll be rewarded with more likes and repins.

Use Seasonal Colors

February Pinterest Board Covers

I particularly like using the same color for board covers. For February, for instance, I used green. Since I’m a nature lover, I like to incorporate seasonal changes. Here in California, spring really begins in February, so I chose green for all my covers. Some people love black and white photography, so they always choose black and white. Winter could be white, Easter could be pastel, and so on.

Make Your Covers Tell a Story

What story would you like to tell? If you’re an animal lover, maybe you could have closeups of animal faces on your covers. You could make a visual story that moves from top to bottom, left to right. If you sell books about Python (the language) your covers could include a giant snake, that winds around the board covers, with the head at the top left and the tail at the bottom right. Or how about a simple white line across a black background? Pinterest is a visual medium, so there’s lots of room for creativity. Think of how Google changes up their Google doodles.

Create an Uncluttered Look

How about using similar imagery across all your board covers? A simple image, perhaps a circular theme, would be wonderfully zen. What if you took a simple texture from Flickr’s Creative Commons and wrote the name of your cover on it, and did that for each cover? For instance, Love, Simplicity, Organizing, Play?

Use Your Most Popular Pins

How about choosing your most repinned pins as your board covers to give your fans an idea of what they’ll find on a board? This is like crowd sourcing in a way.

Do You Change Your Board Covers?

What do you want your Pinterest account to convey? Leave me a comment below!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: board, colors, covers, Creative Commons, Doodle, Flickr, Google, imagery, Pinterest, popular pins

Social Media Calendar: Six Ways

February 20, 2014 By Carol Stephen 10 Comments

Social Media Calendar: Six Ways

What do you think of when you consider creating a social media calendar? Would it be a complex document, filled with charts and graphs, passed around at long meetings? A calendar is simply a tool to help you, a structure that can assist you with your overall goals (including your time management)–nothing more. You don’t even have to follow it all the time. And if you want to know why you need to create a social media content calendar, this Sprout Social article has plenty of reasons.

Keep it Simple

First, create a very high-level, daily structure. So for example, say you are a new zoo. Your schedule could go something like this: Monday: Monkeys, Tuesday: Toucans, Wednesday: Warthogs, Thursday: Tortoises, Friday: Flamingos. You can always revisit your daily calendar later and tweak it to suit yourself or your team.

Decide When to Post

Let’s use Facebook as an example. If you’ve set up a business page, you might want to post once a day to begin with (two or three times a day is fine). So, keeping with the above example, find content that matches your strategy of Monday Monkeys. What do they eat? Where do they live? You might start your search with Google and then find more specific sites to search.

Find a Model

Monkey See, Monkey Do Could Work for Your Editorial Calendar

Say your zoo is in Sydney, Australia. Find another zoo in a different part of the world to model your account after. (Maybe the San Diego Zoo?) Then find two more. Examine what the zoos are posting. What posts are getting the most traction, likes, comments? How often do they post? Adjust your schedule. “Monkey see, monkey do” could work for your social media editorial calendar.

Learn from What Doesn’t Work

You may not find another account you like, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from someone else’s failures. You can often learn more from someone’s failures than their successes. If you had to write the headlines for someone else’s Facebook posts, what would you do differently? What makes you want to comment on a post? Is there a particular writing style that you like?

Use Analytics Combined with Common Sense

Try using analytics, but also experiment with posting at different times. For instance, you may see that everyone is online at 5:30 pm, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re active then–lots of people leave their Facebook accounts open while they watch TV or eat dinner. Also, your followers may not be online on holidays.

Track Good Sources of Content

You might have your own blog, but you may also need content from other places. Could you share content from another zoo? Or is there enough going on at your zoo that you can post every day? When you find a good source, record it somewhere. I like to throw everything into a Word doc, so if I’m half-asleep looking for content, I’ll have some ideas. Images are becoming increasingly important in posts, so make sure to have a good source for images. Huffington Post has a great article on how to create engaging images.

What Else Goes Into Your Calendar?

What has helped you create your content calendar? Please leave a comment!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: analytics, calendar, common sense, Content, editorial, images, Social Media

The Perfect Retweet: Seven Ways

January 28, 2014 By Carol Stephen 14 Comments

The Perfect Retweet: Seven Ways

A blog post about how to retweet might seem like Twitter 101 (and here’s my blogpost on Twitter 101 for Baby Boomers). But before you pull out that “been there, done that, bought the t-shirt” line, give me a minute to explain. Because lately I’ve seen a lot of bad retweets.

Don’t Hit That Retweet Button!

My good friend, Bridget Willard, of You Too Can Be A Guru says it best:

Using the Retweet Button in real life would be like being in a conversation and your reply is playing a recording of what they said.

— Bridget Willard (@BridgetMWillard) January 20, 2014

There are lots of reasons not to use the retweet button. For one, people often don’t see your retweet. For another, when you use the classic retweet, you use your own branding, instead of having a bunch of other people’s logos all over your Twitter account. For a third, you can add a comment more easily. The fourth reason is that using the retweet button can be a conversation killer. Do you need more reasons? I did a Google search and my bud Bridget Willard’s post on why she doesn’t use the retweet button was right there on page one. Seriously.

Use the Classic Retweet

To use the “Classic” retweet, hit reply, then cut and paste the tweet. Check that the tweet will fit. Put a “.” or RT or MT (for “Modified Tweet) in front of the tweet. Note: If you start a tweet with an @ sign, it’s a reply and only you plus the person in the @ sign will see it. More details about using the @ sign, plus other newbie hints here.

Check the Link

If you’re retweeting with a link, check the link. Even if you don’t read the entire article at the link, at least scan it. Make sure the link is still alive, and that the article isn’t spammy. Yes, sometimes you may tweet out a dead link (and please tell your friends if they do!).

Ask Yourself if Your Followers Will Like the Tweet

Try to retweet articles of interest to your followers. Who are your followers? What would interest them? For instance, if you tweet for a bank, your tweets could be about rising interest rates, banking history, events in your bank’s home town, etc. If your followers love the outdoors, tweet about hiking and mountaineering. And so on.

Don’t Retweet a Bunch of @ Names

Here comes the analogy. Ready? I’m sitting at one end of a long bench. John is sitting at the other end. I say hello to John and we start talking. But our conversation has nothing to do with anyone else on the bench. That’s how it is when you retweet those long chains of names. It adds to the noise. It’s also like a “reply all” in email. Remove all the @ signs if you’re talking to just one person. Everyone else will thank you for the peace and quiet.

Add an Image

For extra credit, add an image

If you really want extra credit, add an image. Since about Halloween of 2013 and its IPO, Twitter has allowed the addition of multimedia, as outlined by the New York Times. You may need a little time to find something appropriate (Creative Commons is good for this purpose), or you can use one of your own pictures to steer clear of copyright infringement. One of my friends, @TheSoulfulEmu on Twitter, sometimes adds an image to my tweets. How cool is that?

Ask for a Retweet

If the tweet is very important to you, add the words “Please retweet” at the end. Just make sure that you’re also retweeting other people’s tweets, too, not just asking for favors all the time. Yes, there’s that whole thing about being social again. Strange, I know.

What Else Do You Love in a Retweet?

Please leave me a comment! I appreciate it.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: classic retweet, Followers, Following, images, Retweet, tweet, Twitter

Five Ways Moving is Like Working for a Startup

January 14, 2014 By Carol Stephen 5 Comments

5 Ways Moving is Like Working for a Startup

Recently, I moved. My boxes were carefully labeled, my days were carefully scheduled, and everything came unglued within half an hour. The movers didn’t speak English, none of my labeling meant anything to them, and there were lots of mini-emergencies and things that had to happen “right now.” So it got me to thinking about how moving is like working for a startup–chaotic and fast-paced.

The Tools Are Woefully Inadequate

For instance, making coffee that first day with nothing but a glass, a filter, and a knife. At a startup, you might have only a partial description of the app you need to build, and the tools you need to use are pre-pre-pre beta, but that’s all you’ve got, so you “get ‘er done.” Although some of the coffee grounds might slop over into the glass, you have to use the tools you have.

You’re Short on Time

The Tools Are Inadequate!

Everything in a move has to happen by a certain date and time. At a startup, you have to get your product to beta, your social media launched, and everything needs to happen whether you’re ready or not. So you make do and focus on the most critical items. Speed is of the essence.

Creativity is Essential

Although I want to punch people who say “think outside the box,” having a creative mindset is a requirement, both in moving and in working for a startup. If you don’t have the right size box when you’re moving, you have to make one. The same thinking applies at a startup. There’s lots of scurrying around at the last minute, eating a sandwich with one hand, while writing on a white board with the other, and people pointing at their watches saying to hurry up!

Getting it Done Versus Making it Perfect

When the truck pulls out of the driveway, all your stuff better be on it! And when your new website launches, you’d better have most of what you need there. And if you wait until it’s perfect, it’ll never happen!

Delegate and Let it Go

When you give your life over to movers, you have to let go of control for a few hours or days. The same is true when you delegate what you can’t do yourself. Other people might only do 80% of what you’d do yourself. You have to be comfortable with chaos. Forbes has an excellent article on delegation, by the way.

Have You or Your Startup Moved Lately?

What helped you get through it with the least amount of stress possible? And by the way, have you seen my tea kettle?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: beta, creativity, delegate, delegation, launch, moving, perfection, Startup, Time, Tools

Time Management for Baby Boomers: Managing Social Media

January 9, 2014 By Carol Stephen 6 Comments

Time Management for Baby Boomers

If you’re a baby boomer, you probably have been to some of the time management classes, especially if the place you work ever offered free ones. Remember the Franklin Covey system with the binders and the page inserts? How about the Dale Carnegie training? Did you know that Tony Robbins offered time management courses, too? Just when you thought you knew the rules for time management, along comes social media and your previous attempts at managing your own time go right out the window! So what’s a boomer to do? Here’s how I handle my own social media.

Use the Basics Plus

Do you have a system that works for you? Or did you leave all that behind in the 90’s? If your system works, then by all means continue. But, when I began working in social media, I added some tools to better manage my time. For instance, I like using a hybrid system, with a zen timer app when I’m out of the office, along with an old-school egg timer for when I’m in the office. And I still carry an old-fashioned notebook and pen for my to-do list. Yes, maybe you’ve seen one in the museum!

Batching Tasks

Batching tasks works on social media as well as any day-to-day activities. For instance, you probably run all your errands at once to save wear and tear on the Prius. In my case, I do all my Twitter stuff first. I see who has mentioned me and who has followed me. I try to reply to everyone who has mentioned me (unless it’s in a huge, long list). If someone wants a conversation, I usually reply to those first. I also scroll through my timeline and try to engage with some “new” people each day by asking a question or retweeting or telling others to follow if I find something great. (And as a boomer, you’re quite good at engagement!)

Facebook

After Twitter, I head to Facebook and check all my conversations there. I don’t read each and every post, but scan. My Facebook is very dialed in and if you want to know how to do that, check this post here. I schedule right on Facebook (usually for that same day), not using a third-party app.

LinkedIn, that most favorite spot of baby boomers, is a good place to engage. I like or comment on posts, and schedule posts through HootSuite Pro.

If women boomers are part of your audience, you need to be on Pinterest. I check my Pinterest for new followers, and see what’s getting repinned. Then I start pinning by scanning my Pinterest stream and also doing searches.

Blogging

Baby Boomers Have Excellent Writing Skills

Next I work on my blog. As a boomer, you probably have good writing skills, so a blog is a natural. Each day, I blog for at least 15 minutes, although that usually turns into 30 minutes or an hour.

Gym

Staying active is important to me, so I make time for it six times a week. Eating pie might be important to you. Whatever. With good time management, you can do the things that you care about.

Simple, But Not Easy

So there you have it. I like simple. What about you? Is your time management simple? Or do you need someone to help you? If you need someone to help, I know a person!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: baby boomers, balance, blogging, Facebook, food, gym, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Social Media, time management, Twitter, working out

Pinterest: 6 Steps to Going Viral

January 7, 2014 By Carol Stephen 11 Comments

Pinterest: 6 Steps to Going Viral

You’ve been on Pinterest for awhile now, pinning like a crazy person. Your pins, or those for your new startup, get liked and occasionally repinned, but nothing has ever gotten very popular, or achieved the success you’d really like. What can you do to increase your odds of a pin going viral, being repinned, liked, and commented upon? As an example, I’d like to use a pin from my Tiny Homes board. (If you click on the picture above, you’ll see the original article).

Disclaimer: Nothing can ensure a pin going viral. Sometimes the dumbest things catch on, while your carefully crafted posts die a sad, lonely death with nary a like. This article may only increase your chances. If you really want to go viral, send $10 million in unmarked bills and I’ll see what I can do.

Click Through

If you’re repinning from someone else’s account, make sure that the pin goes somewhere. That is to say, click enough times to see where the pin leads. Make sure that the pin does not lead to a Google search, or a website where there’s no more information, or **gasp** a 404 page. My pin goes to a fabulous site with an article about downsizing for a tiny home.

Read the Article at the Pin’s Origin

For pins that include an article, read the article all the way through before you repin it. Take note of a few things about the article. The point of this is so that you have something interesting to put in the caption. For instance, is the article funny? Is it thorough? Is it peculiar? Do you like the writing style?

Recap What You Liked

In my tiny homes pin, the writer uses an example of a clown car which cracks me up. So in my caption, under the pin, I write my own mini-review of the article, telling people why they might want to read the article. And be sure to give credit where credit is due–to the original author.

Post At a Good Time

Now that’s a tiny house!

If you find an extremely good item to pin, save it for a good time. According to Social Media Examiner, pinning at different times of the night and day will help your pins be seen by local and global audiences. I like to pin on Sundays because that’s a very popular time in the U.S.; pinning at various times I’ve noticed that different people are online depending upon when I pin.

Comment on Your Own Pin and Respond to Comments

People love comments! And few people comment. So you can add comments to your own pin. And be sure to respond to any comments about the pin to keep the conversation going! This raises the popularity of the pin.

Repin Later

If your pin doesn’t catch on, you can repin the pin to the top of the board or even make it the cover pin. If there are no “likes” or repins at all, you could delete it completely and repin it at a later time. You can add more text to the caption, too (think about how you might search for such a pin yourself). You want people to be able to find your pin!

Have Your Pins Gone Viral?

Do you have any “pins gone wild,” which been repinned hundreds or thousands of times? Was that a complete surprise, or were you sure that they would be popular? One of my pins has been repinned 25 billion times! Ok, one of the previous sentences might be a slight exaggeration. Can you guess which one? As usual, leave your comments below!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: comment, pin, Pinterest, repin, viral

Beyond the Magic Words: 8 Ways to Say Thank You!

January 2, 2014 By Carol Stephen 7 Comments

Beyond the Magic Words: 8 Ways to Say Thank You

You already know what the magic words are, right? That’s right: please and thank you! Baby boomers, in particular, seem adept at knowing how to thank people. Depending upon why you’re grateful, you could decide to send any of the following.

Personal Email

A customized and personal email is a quick way to say thank you. People really do love to be appreciated, and this is a way to go beyond the basic thank you. You could add a photo of something you know the person really likes, too. Are they crazy about pygmy goats? Send ’em a pic!

An Ecard

Include a picture of something your friend likes

An ecard might include a picture of something your friend likes–such as a cup of espresso with a lemon twist, a microbrewed beer, or a nerdy hat. Or how about a gift card to that special brewery you visited together?

Poetry

A cute or funny poem adds an element of surprise and delight! You may find that no one has ever written a poem for your friend. Be sure to include details that you especially like and why you are appreciative. For bonus points, add alliteration and rhyming.

Photographs

How about a flattering photo of your friend or a photo of the two of you together? If you know your friend pretty well, then a slightly embarrassing one is even better! Like that photobomb from the Giants game–the one where, um…mistakes were made? Or the belly flop into the deep end of the pool? Oh, yes.

A Small Gift

Most people appreciate a cup of coffee or gift card. If you can find out where your friend likes to go, that would be even more personal. But don’t hold off sending a gift because you don’t have all the details yet! And **gasp** you could even ask them what they like! But be cagey when you ask; don’t tell them why you need to know!

Flowers

Flowers are a turbo-charged form of thank you. Most people love flowers (hint, hint), and some people rarely get them. To make them more special, find out what your friend’s favorite colors or types of flowers are. Home-grown purple roses? Bright red tulips? Yellow chrysanthemums? If you don’t know, you might match their eye color or the color they wear a lot.

Jewelry

Jewelry is still more personal. A bracelet or necklace make very sweet gifts. Some jewelry, though, can be fraught with romantic overtones–unless you are very confident that the giver wants to receive the jewelry, it’s best to save this for a very special relationship. Unless you like being in trouble, that is.

Gift Basket

For a client, or for a big milestone event, personalized gift baskets are fab. You might send fruit or baked products from your area. Anything scented is more difficult, unless you already know what your friend likes.

How Do You Like to Be Thanked?

Do you remember a particularly good gift? What made it so memorable? Please let me know in the comments!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: appreciation, ecard, email, gift basket, gratitude, jewelry, magic words, photograph, poetry, thank you

The Power of a Complaint, Part II

December 12, 2013 By Carol Stephen 4 Comments

The Power of a Complaint

So you’ve read my first post about my run-in with BL&T, and you want more, more, more! You won’t be satisfied until you get it! I have little to report, and of that, none is very interesting. Therefore, I will amuse you with a bunch of random things until I run out of words and have to go to sleep.

The Escalation Team

After my issue went to the “Escalation Team,” I received two calls and some email. Let’s call the customer service rep “Irene.” The message went something like this: “We have received your request to escalate this issue. Please call this [long, long number], refer to this case number [another number], along with this access code [another number] and this extension [another number]. Please solve for x, where x = the ratio of your sanity divided by where your career track would be if quantified by a number and you did not have to return this call.

Ok. I made that last part up. But you knew that! Because by now you know me. We are good buddies, you and I. Well, not really. Sort of. Ok, not so much.

I still have Internet problems

So now it is late Wednesday night, and the Interwebz still no workie over here. For instance, some of you commented on my blogpost, and I never saw any notifications! The emails went into BL&T’s big bit bucket, and some snarky email-eating grinch is probably chewing on them right now. At any rate, Houston, we still have a problem. Yes, we do.

So since you and I are stuck here in this story together, this is what I’ve been up to. I would’ve done an interpretive dance, but instead here’s a photo montage of what I’ve been doing since first complaining to BL&T.

Stacking Pennies!

Stacking Pennies

[

Reorganizing My Stamp Collection!

This is probably organized enough

Watching Grass Grow!

Watching Grass Grow

Finishing a Humongous Jigsaw Puzzle!

18,000 Pieces? Pffft! No Problem!

Building a House of Cards

House of Cards

Listening to Crickets!

Crickets

When Will My Internet Connection Get Fixed?

And also, I’m not quite sure how it happened but I woke up this morning with a long white beard. So that’s my story. What’s yours? Leave your guess as to when the Internet will get fixed in the comments below. Maybe we can have a pool with a prize. Would you like that?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: complaint, customer service, Internet, provider

The Power of a Complaint

December 10, 2013 By Carol Stephen 10 Comments

The Power of a Complaint

Recently, I had an issue with the speed of my Internet service. The issue was: Speed = NOT. So I called my Internet provider. Let’s call them BL&T. 9:30 p.m.: I call BL&T to explain my problem. They say someone will get back to me within 30 minutes and to stay off the phone. So I stay off the phone. (Of course, I guess in case Old Mrs. Persnickety needs the party line to call Doc Crotchety about her lumbago.) 10:30 p.m.: No call from BL&T so I decide to call it a night.

The Next Day

The next morning, BL&T still haven’t called. So I do what any self-respecting, awesome social media manager does: find their customer service on Twitter and send a tweet.

I get a nice and polite reply back, very quickly.

At this point, I put down the biodegradable spork I am using to stab myself repeatedly in the eyeball. 9:45 a.m.: The BL&T technician calls me, saying he’s on his way over. About 20 minutes later, he knocks on my door, very politely covers his feet with shoe covers, and looks at the router. After looking at the inside setup, he sees that there’s nothing wrong inside my place, so he goes outside to examine the exterior of the building. He comes back.

My Interwebz No Workie

Not the Actual Spork in Question

He goes to examine the box on the phone pole, which is a distance away (I’m not sure where, exactly). At this point, I’m not angry with the technician, but it’s frustrating because I use the Internet a lot. (As in, how much ice cream would you eat if there were no downside? Answer: ALL OF IT a lot. That’s the definition of how much I need, love, and want the Internet. Which I’m sure you were dying to know because I’m just that fascinating. And humble. And not at all loquacious.) Also: I’ve been out of the office for 3 days and am slammed with tweets which have piled up higher than my head.

Slight Digression

I love the Internet more than this ice cream

Let me digress for a moment here. Remember that tweet I sent earlier? It turns out that BL&T deleted it from their stream (although I saved the screen shot, which I present above for your viewing pleasure in case you are not yet familiar with my incredible genius mind).

To take BL&T’s side for one second, I understand that they don’t want their entire stream littered with people ranting. They want Happy Shiny People, who only sing their praises in perfect harmony. And also puppies. But! This issue was on its way to being fixed. Can you see where I’m going with this? If you’re reading this, you do know–since some of my awesometasticness has rubbed off on you. After all, I have an infinite amount.

Instead of deleting the tweet, BL&T could’ve left it up, and shown the resolution. Instead, they chose to delete the tweet.

Ok. Digression over. You forgot that was a digression, didn’t you? So transfixed were you by the incredible storytelling of moi. Anyways, the guy is back now. He says, you’re paying for 6Mbps, but only getting 3Mbps, so you could downgrade and the line would be more stable.

He leaves. I thanked him warmly and did not punch him in the throat. (Hey, where’s my Nobel Peace Prize?)

At least now I had some answers, although still no stable Internet. And obviously somebody over there does know something.

I hadn’t called BL&T yet, when to my delight, they called me! Or actually, they had a robot call me, with a message saying they wanted to “close the ticket.” “Rutrow,” I thought. Close the ticket? Heaven forfend! Closing the ticket would mean all was right in the world of Internet memes (like my favorite: Grumpy Cat). And my Internet connection still had a big owie. Why would they close the ticket? Was night day? Was up down? Did cats not invent the Internet after all? I stayed in Phone Call Treelandia to make sure the ticket wasn’t closed.

Tap Dancing to the 1812 Overture

Finally, after 10 minutes of entering phone numbers and tap dancing to the 1912 Overture, I hear the answer to my prayers: “Press zero to speak to a live operator.” Halleluiah! The cavalry will be here shortly! Then this: “We’re closed now. Call us back later.” OMG. Just when you think nobody has a sense of humor any more. When I get my own big company, I’m going to play this same prank on my tired, frustrated customers. Good one, BL&T! When the 2013 Prankie Awards are given out, you will be #1! Foam Rubber Finger!

But Wait! There’s More! Only not yet. How will this end? Will my Internet get fixed? Will BL&T get another nomination for the Prankies? Will the guy in the building next door stop playing that stupid kazoo? Has anyone seen my keys? Tune in next time for some answers. Maybe not to these questions, but you never know. Plus also more questions. And also maybe a recipe for BBQ sauce.

Calling All Spork Breakers

Have any of the rest of you ever been in a never-ending struggle? Are you also in the middle of a pitched battle? And how many sporks did you break before finding resolution? Please leave your rant below!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: complaint, customer service, Internet, social media manager, Twitter