Carol Stephen, Author at

How to Write a Headline That People Will Want to Click

July 14, 2016 By Carol Stephen 12 Comments

How to Write a Headline That People Will Want to Click

Do you get stuck writing your headlines? Here are some things I do to make my blogging life easier! Thanks to Bridget Willard (read her posts if you never have!) for the idea of making this into a blog post!

You Want People to Read

As bloggers, we all want extra eyes on our posts, whether we’re writing for a brand to gain SEO, or personally, when sharing our stories. Some people, like Ogilvie, believe that a headline is worth 90% of the cost of advertising. So spend some time.

Pick Your Topic (and Use Your Brand Voice)

What topics would entertain, entrance, or help your audience? Try to stick with those topics. Clement Lim has created the definitive post about branding: Creating a Kick-Ass Brand Identity, which I highly recommend for finding your brand voice.

Plug Your Topic Into a Good Headline Analyzer

My first secret is the CoSchedule headline analyzer. Start with anything you want to write about. Go ahead: I’ll wait here. Keep trying different headlines until you get a number you’re happy with. For the blog you’re reading, I tried 15 different headlines. When I first began this method, I had to try 20-25 headlines, by the way. The process gets easier.

Get a Good Mix of Words

I like to have some common, uncommon, emotional, and power words in each headline. And I like either a B+ or an A+. The CoSchedule analyzer helps with the word balance and gives you the score, too. Since most people will retweet/share your post without reading it, according to The Verge, the headline has to be extra delicious to make people click on it.

Put the Headline Into Your Blog

I like to write right on my blog. There are always a bunch of drafts, in various stages of writing. So before you forget your wonderful headline, throw it into your blog. You can come back to it later. Spend some time on your headline, though. Having a robust headline can help you whether you plan to post on Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest.

Write for 15 Minutes

I like to write for a minimum of 15 minutes. Do you have 15 minutes? Sure you do! Write as fast as you can for 15 minutes. You have permission to stop after 15 minutes. But maybe there’s something else you want to say. I like to use an old-school egg timer. For some reason, the ticking sound helps. Sure, you know that writing a headline is a pain in the asterisk, but go ahead.

And Another 15 Minutes

The writing process is not about correcting yourself. You can do that later! Or you could hire an editor to help you with it. Either way, just get started. Keep writing. And don’t edit yourself.

Photo by ttuananh

Read Your Headline (and Article) to a Friend

I am blessed to have an editor friend for when I get stuck. Remember, you can’t call your friend all the darn time to have them help you. Pay them or take them out to lunch, for the love of Strunk and White.

Photo by jennypdx

Tweak the Headline

If what you’ve written no longer reflects the headline, go back and tweak it. You might want to run it back through the headline analyzer tool.

Need Help Writing?

Yep, I do help others with their blogging and social media.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Blog, blogging, editing, Headline, writing

Tested Ways to Fail with Your Holiday Social Media Posts

July 7, 2016 By Carol Stephen 6 Comments

Tested Ways to Fail with Your Holiday Social Media Posts

You’ve probably heard lots of advice about what to post on social media during the holidays. But is anyone telling you how to fail? Maybe not! So here’s my two cents about the best ways to fail!

Photo by Marc-Anthony Macon

Brag About Your Cooking

Show closeups of all your holiday meals, and post them on Instagram, but use the #HumbleBrag hashtag so people know you’re kidding. And tell people why you deserve that brand new outdoor Tandoori clay oven. Believe me, people want to know!

Bonus Points: Tell people how hard it is to get good help these days!

Photo by SF CHEFS

Drink Before Posting

Before you post anything, make sure to have a lot of Arnold Palmers. Or Whiskey Sours! Then, when you try to spell, it’s so much more exhilarating and creative! Why, it becomes almost like a game! Which reminds me, here’s my post about the Gamification of Social Media that you might like.

Bonus Points: Posts with no punctuation!

Photo by Kamal H.

Drink While Posting

You’ve heard of Wine Wednesdays, right? Who says you can’t drink and post or drink while posting or — or — where was I going with this? Oh, right. Nowhere.

Bonus Points: Videos with the sound of breaking glass, then silence.

Send Many Direct or Private Messages

It’s so easy to send messages these days. And why not send an invitation to your (holiday) sale to everyone who follows you? And now on Twitter you can send direct messages to multiple people. The joy, the joy!

Bonus: Create a Facebook event and invite people you have never met to your sale!

Photo by DaigoOliva

Post Embarrassing Photos

Post the worst pictures you can find of your closest relatives, huddled over a smoking bbq with charred hamburgers. That should show them a thing or two! They might not appreciate it right now, but they will in the future! Better still, blackmail them with those photos. By the way, here’s some great ways to fail on Pinterest.

Bonus Points: Not sure this can get any worse. But maybe it can!

Silly Stuff

Anything that makes your followers go “Huh?” is fair game! The less they understand, the better! See drunk posting, above. Talking to yourself is a good way to go.

Photo by Nick Kenrick.

Don’t Spellcheck Anything

That’s right, anyone can believe. But weather you should believe? And by the way, here’s why you shouldn’t rely on spellcheckers.

Inappropriate Invitations

Have you ever received an invitation from someone in another city? State? Country? Now you can not only be the recipient of inappropriate invitations, you can originate them, too! Yay!

Photo by Prayitno / Thank you for (10 millions +) views

What Failures Have You Seen Around Holidays?

I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, and some fails are harmless. Have you seen any good ones?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: direct messages, embarrassment, holidays, Social Media

This Could Be So Much More Awesome

June 30, 2016 By Carol Stephen 8 Comments

This Could Be So Much More Awesome

Lately, I’ve been thinking about perfectionism and how big a problem it is to many of us. Getting started is the worst problem for me, and maybe for you as well. How do you avoid perfectionism, though? Is there any way to get out there without being so worried about every little thing you say online? Of course there is! Being less of a perfectionist can also be something improving your productivity.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

It’s such a cliché, isn’t it? Just be happy. And don’t worry! It’s one thing to think that, and another to truly believe it. Not caring about what people think is a tough one. If you only compete with yourself, though, then you can stop worrying about what others think. Oddly, this is a branding question. If you’re really yourself, the people who are attracted to you will really like the real you. Everybody else can go fly a kite!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz-T30WZKo8

Shooting Granny Style

Once upon a time way back before 1980, there was a basketball player named Rick Barry. Rick Barry played for the Golden State Warriors who recently choked and let Cleveland kill them in the finals. But I digress. Barry threw underhanded free throws, getting an amazing 90% of them in the basket. Although at the time, Barry was laughed at, his stats prove that he was right. He never cared what others thought. However, not until recently did his style catch on. The point is do what works for YOU.

Photo by Rodolphe Pollet

Not Every Hit Flies out of the Park

To borrow a baseball analogy, sometimes you need a hit that merely connects with the ball. A bunt, if you will. When I’m writing, I’m not always “in the zone,” and being in the zone doesn’t always matter. The important thing is to write consistently. By the way, if you like baseball, you might like: Social Media Managers: How the San Francisco Giants Can Improve Your Game.

It Could Always Be Better

Isn’t that always the case? Not everything I do is going to be perfect. Not every post will go viral. Keep writing anyway. Keep going anyway. Eventually, you will hit your stride, and be “in the zone.” The stars will be in alignment, and you’ll hit it out of the ballpark. I really like this article: The One Thing You Need to Know to Avoid Perfectionism.

Photo by bambe1964

Perfectionist Much?

Let me know in the comments if you struggle with perfectionism. I’d appreciate if you made a spelling error or two, too! Thanks!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: blogging, perfectionism, writing

How to Avoid Bad News on Social Media and Keep Your Sanity

June 16, 2016 By Carol Stephen 8 Comments

How to Avoid Bad News on Social Media and Keep Your Sanity

Those of you on social media know that being there too much can almost make you have ADHD. Here a squirrel, there a squirrel, everywhere a squirrel squirrel. Am I right? Oh, look! A squirrel! Seriously, though, how do you keep the omnipresent bad news at bay? Here are some ideas.

Use Lists

Vigorously maintain your lists in Twitter. Do not enter the mainstream every day, for that way madness lies. Clip unwanted accounts in your lists, like you would trim the unwanted branches of your beloved shrubberies. Chop out those on your lists with tweets you don’t like, and look for others you do like. You may want to take a deeper dive into using lists.

Photo by eflon

Hide Posts

Yes, you can hide posts in Facebook. You are not obligated to follow everyone’s sad, crazy story of how they were once beholden to the circus, forced to eat Spam, or nearly drowned that one time in Buenos Aires. Really. For some clues on when to do what, here’s a post about how to unfollow a friend without unfriending.

Photo by Loozrboy

Unfollow

Sometimes you need to unfollow people. If they always post bad news, if they badmouth others, if they sell sell sell! Those are good reasons to unfollow. You may have others. Also, if they haven’t posted since 1999, that’s a good reason, too. Why are you following them? And here is one of my favorite posts from friend Bridget Willard about your “safe place” on social media.

Get Outside

We all need a break from social media. Take a break every hour, two hours, or whenever you need it. Don’t follow someone else’s rules. Take a day or a weekend off. Heck, take a week off if you can! When you return, everything will look fresh.

Photo by mstearne

Post Less, Curate More

Maybe you could simply post less, but better stuff. Some accounts seem to post everything they find, rather than what’s perfect for their audience. If you curate, only the very best will get through your filter.

Focus on the Good News

There are some places that publish good news. Here are some of the best:

How Do You Avoid the Bad News?

Do you have the skin of a rhino? Does bad news roll off you like water off a duck? Leave me a comment! I’d love to know!

Photo by thirdblade

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: bad news, Facebook, good news, positivity, Sanity, Social Media, Twitter, Twitter lists

How to Create a Wonderful Blog Post in an Hour

June 9, 2016 By Carol Stephen 10 Comments

How to Create a Wonderful Blog Post in an Hour

The first thing to do? Set that timer for an hour. Another good thing to do is make sure you have a reward for yourself once you’re done. How about a frozen yogurt with sprinkles?

First 15 Minutes

Brainstorm ten topics. Here are some ideas to kickstart you:

A question that your clients always ask. Or one they rarely ask.
A news story you could discuss and how it affects your clients.
A recent testimonial, and how happy you were to receive it.
Reasons you’re better than your competitors.
What people don’t ask about your business but you wish they would.

Photo by Helen.Yang

Funny things you’ve learned plying your trade.
Tell a story about a crazy client you’ve worked with (anonymous, of course!).
How you work with people in another field (for instance an app developer and a website developer).
How people can work with you (for instance, Social Media Managers: Ten Secrets to Care for Yours).
Behind the scenes in your business–describe some of the people who work at your company.

This tweet from Randy Clark might make you think twice:

Don't limit yourself to blogs about your product. Learn your target audience's interests and write about those topics. #digiblogchat

— randy clark (@RandyLyleClark) June 7, 2016

Photo by boltron-

Second 15 Minutes

Pick the best topic from your brainstormed list.

Choose only one! If you like two, write about the other one next time. Here’s a bit to help with blogging in a post I wrote about Orange County WordCamp, by the way (create five topics). Now speak out loud and write down what you say. Pretend someone else is there, or call a friend and talk into the phone. If you can use speak to text, even better and faster. I like an “hourglass shaped” post, starting with the macro, going to the micro, and back out to the macro. That is, begin with something generic and then get specific. Now write three short paragraphs about whatever your point is. And then wrap it up with another short paragraph.

Third 15 Minutes

Add Links. Add at least two inbound links to your own blog (if you don’t have any, don’t worry–you will soon!), and two outbound links. For an article of 350 words, I like to have a total of four links. For instance, for this post, I linked to my own blog twice, and two external links. Search on a topic or two that could use more explaining, and add the URLs.

Add Tags. Pick a few to identify the content of your post.

Photo by HerryLawford

Fourth 15 Minutes

Add Images and a call to action.

Images

Go to Creative Commons and find something you like and plug it in. I like Flickr, but you may find another favorite–be sure the image you like is available for commercial use and modification. You don’t need a lot of images, but at least one or two at a minimum. Find something compelling that represents your words, but don’t stress over it too much. If you have your own images, that’s even better.

Call to Action

Here are some typical CTAs:

Join us now!
Add a comment!
Sign up for our newsletter!

Here’s a list of 11 Kick-Ass Call to Action Examples that you might like!

Photo by Mark Berry – Photographer & Graphic Designer

Enjoy Your Reward!

Are you enjoying your reward now? Tell me what your reward is in the comments below! (And how did you like that Call to Action?)

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Blog, blog topics, blogging quickly, time management, write, writing, writing fast

Ten Reasons Not To Be Afraid to Ask Stupid Questions

June 2, 2016 By Carol Stephen 6 Comments

Ten Reasons Not To Be Afraid to Ask Stupid Questions

Some people would argue that there really are stupid questions. Angela Henshall, in her excellent article for the BBC, Yes, There Really Are Stupid Questions, for instance. Her article reminds me of the question I’ve heard at the Dollar Store: “How much is this dish towel?” And the answer: “It’s a dollar.” But I digress. Already.

Photo by Jan Tik

People Need Entertainment

I am reminded of the time that my bestie and I attended a civil war reenactment. She asked the dude-in-charge, “Who do you think is going to win?” And he said: It’s a re-enactment.” And she repeated her question. To which he replied, again, “It’s a re-enactment.” So at that point, she had to pretend not to understand what a re-enactment was, lest he feel insulted. He was just so, well, earnest.

Photo by otterbeintheatre

There Are Naive Questions

Carl Sagan says there are no dumb questions, only naive ones. And who doesn’t believe everything Carl Sagan said? Or is that naive, too?

“There are naive questions, tedious questions, ill-phrased questions, questions put after inadequate self-criticism. But every question is a cry to understand the world. There is no such thing as a dumb question.”

~Carl Sagan

You’re Developing Your Bravado

A bunch of other people are thinking the same thing, but you’re the only one who says it out loud. You’re always the first one to ask: Are these sandwiches free? And sometimes people are so shocked at the question that the sandwiches are free.

Photo by permanently scatterbrained

You Really Want to Know

Sure, everyone wants to know why Pluto isn’t a planet any more. But you have more curiosity than the average cat, so you keep asking. (Pluto is a dwarf planet, as if that clear anything up.) Without asking, how would you ever know?

Dogbert

Because Dilbert

No post about stupid questions would be complete without a reference to Dilbert. Without stupid questions, there would be no pointy-headed boss. Speaking of Dilbert, here are ten ways to demotivate employees.

Photo by Listen Missy!

Your Sole Purpose on Earth is to Make Other People Feel Better about Themselves

When I play golf, other people feel better about their own golf games. Is there some way you cheer up other people by your own bad example? Just kidding. Everyone knows you’re perfect!

Photo by kevygee

If Not You, Then Who?

Someone has to ask! And you’re right there, sitting in the front row with your hand up. That slacker in the back isn’t going to ask! So the pressure’s on you. And speaking of weird segues, have you read the one about Darth Vader and why it’s easier to be him than a social media manager? No, of course not!

The Emperor Is Wearing No Clothes

Sometimes stating the obvious takes someone who isn’t afraid to ask a stupid question. That someone could be you!

Photo by keane dasalla

Is That Ten?

Stupid question!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: stupid question

Five Quick Ways to Boost Your Social Media Listening

May 25, 2016 By Carol Stephen 6 Comments

Five Quick Ways to Boost Your Social Media Listening

People are always complaining about the amount of noise there is on social media. Clients want to know how to cut through the tremendous ruckus and hear the good stuff. Here are some surefire ways to listen better.

Photo by darkday.

Twitter Lists for the Win

My number one piece of advice for new clients is to set up lists on Twitter. You can make them secret or public, but either way a list is how you can follow many people and listen to the best ones. For a deeper dive, here’s my post about lists for the power user.

Photo by telmo32

Google Alerts

Did you know that you could set up a Google alert for any keyword you like and then add it to a column in Hootsuite? Each Google Alert has an RSS feed. So for instance, if you have a Google Alert for your own name, you can add that. You could set one up for all the people in your startup so you can monitor who’s talking about you. Then put them into columns using HootSuite Syndicator.

Facebook Groups

You can have different groups on Facebook. That is, you can create groups of friends, people who are restricted, or those you’d like to see less of in your newsfeed. It’s already built into Facebook. So if your coworker is meddlesome, put him in a group other than “friends.”

Photo by Moyan_Brenn

Personal Hashtags

You can create your own hashtag by typing a pound sign (#) in front of any word. Use it to organize a search or any time you want to be found. Make sure your content matches your hashtag. For instance, my chat on Twitter is #DigiBlogChat. For a deeper dive into hashtags, read the excellent The Only Hashtag Guide You’ll Ever Need.

Pinterest Guided Search

If you’re on Pinterest, use the guided search. You can pin from the feed, but a better way is to use the guided search. Listen to what people are pinning on a particular topic relevant to your business. Start with the highest-level (for instance, a hair dresser might search on “short hair,” then let Pinterest guide your search.

Local Search by Keyword

If you’re a brick-and-mortar store, you could search by hashtag to see what people in your area are saying. For instance #SF or #SanFrancisco. I search on #SantaCruz in Twitter quite a bit. Then retweet, repost, or comment on those posts. Brainstorm other keywords your ideal audience might be using.

Make Listening a Habit

Julian Treasure, in his wonderful TED Talk about listening better, recommends trying to listen to different channels to deepen one’s connection to the world around us. If you have a chance to listen to his video, please do.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Facebook, Followers, listening, Social Media, Twitter

How to Unleash Your Creativity with One Simple Trick

May 19, 2016 By Carol Stephen 14 Comments

How to unleash your creativity with one simple trick

You’re probably thinking that there’s some incredible secret here. A lot of us believe that creativity is something we left behind when we stopped falling out of treehouses and breaking our arms testing gravity going downhill with no brakes. But creativity is a belief as much as anything. We are all wired to create.

We Are Designed to Move

Similarly, we are all designed to move. A lot of us in the tech industry believe that we’re more or less heads on sticks, like mobile lollipops. But we have bodies for a reason, and if we don’t move a lot of bad things can happen. We’ve all heard those scare tactics by the people who want to sell standing desks: if you sit for too long, you’ll get diabetes and die. By contrast, when we move, a lot of good things happen. We become rich, famous, and sexy. Or at least we get in better shape and can write blog posts a lot faster!

Photo by Nikko Russano

Walking Helps Us Think

Ferris Jabr in his excellent New Yorker article Why Walking Helps Us Think, asks: “What is it about walking, in particular, that makes it so amenable to thinking and writing?” Moving the oxygen in gives the little gray cells the right kind of food to get the job done.

He also says this:

“When we stroll, the pace of our feet naturally vacillates with our moods and the cadence of our inner speech; at the same time, we can actively change the pace of our thoughts by deliberately walking more briskly or by slowing down.”

So to speed up our thoughts, all we need to do is run a brisk mile.

Put One Foot in Front of Another

Walking or hiking changes our moods and our thoughts, as well as letting us change the pace of our thoughts. We’ve all had the experience of our outer pace changing our inner pace. Sometimes it starts with music. And knowing that merely putting one foot in front of the other can quicken our thoughts, well, it’s a refreshing idea.

Daydream Believer

Whether you’re outside hiking, or inside walking on a treadmill, spacing out can lead to creative ideas. And all your need to get started is a pair of walking shoes.

It’s Not Just Anecdotal Any More

In the good old days (ok, pre-2014), people thought walking helped their creativity, but there was no science to backup the idea that creativity was linked to walking. Then a study, from Stanford came along, in the Journal of Experimental Psychology. And this article from the New York Times: Want to Be More Creative? Take a Walk.

Dr. Oppezzo, who led the study says

“Again, walking markedly improved people’s ability to generate creative ideas, even when they sat down after the walk. In that case, the volunteers who had walked produced significantly more and subjectively better ideas than in their pre-exercise testing period.”

How Does Walking Improve Your Life?

Do you walk to be more creative? Do you take advantage of the new ideas you generate right after a walk? Let me know by leaving a comment!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: competitive edge, creativity, hiking, walking

How to Lose All Your Followers on Social Media

May 12, 2016 By Carol Stephen 12 Comments

How to Lose All Your Followers on Social Media

I almost called this “The Wonderful Art of Subtraction on Social Media,” because sometimes the best thing to do is to subtract. That is: unfollow, unfriend, and mute. After all, everyone wants more, more, more followers on social media. Isn’t that the whole point? Not always! Sometimes less is more.

Photo by cliff1066™

Same Old, Same Old

Lately I’ve grown tired of seeing the same stuff day after day, month after month. On Twitter, the accounts that spew quotes are the worst. My friends Mitch Mitchell and Terri Nakamura have been tweeting about it. How do those accounts get so many followers when all they do is broadcast quotes all day long?

Fast Path to Losing Followers: Spew quotes all day long.

https://twitter.com/Mitch_M/status/728464131049693187

Unfriending on Facebook

On Facebook, if I don’t remember where the heck we met, or if we haven’t had a conversation for a couple of years, off you go! I’ll bet they don’t remember me, either (even if to me, I’m the queen of the universe!). Wiki has a great list of reasons you might have been unfriended on Facebook and how to get over it.

Fast Path to Losing Followers: Being offensive and way too personal is a good way to be unfriended. Right now, the political rant is also a great way to lose friends.

Photo by abodftyh

Unfollowing on Twitter

On Twitter, if there’s too much salesy stuff, and too many boring tweets, same thing: they get muted or unfollowed. Muted if the volume is too high and unfollowed if the tweets are tasteless. Partly the fault is mine. I may not have taken a good, hard look at the account when I first followed or followed back. But sometimes accounts change, too. Here are some Twitter Best Practices, by the way.

Fast Path to Losing Followers: Drunk tweeting off topic is a fast way to lose followers. Also, sending direct messages asking for money is a fast path to being unfollowed.

Photo by davebloggs007

Disconnecting on Pinterest

Sometimes people post about too much of one thing, and it gets boring. Or, as in the case of someone I unfollowed this week–too many “sexy ladies dressed as animals.” Yeah, I know. Weird. I kept unfollowing one board after another, until finally–no boards at all! What a great day that was. If you want a primer on Pinterest, you might like this one: Pinterest: Top Ten Tasks and Power Tips.

Fast Path to Losing Followers: Pin only photos of sunglasses. Or stuffed animals. And you’ll lose followers. Try it!

Photo by janoma.cl

Getting Unlinked on LinkedIn

Like Direct Messages on Twitter, sending salesy messages before getting to know someone is a no-no on LinkedIn, and a great way to lose followers. Today I got an email from someone I’d never had contact with asking me to buy their IT services. See ya! If you want to know how to prune the rose buds on LinkedIn, here you go.

Fast Path to Losing Followers: Send a lot of salesy stuff, before getting to know someone.

Photo by eelke dekker

Insta-Unfollowed on Instagram

On Instagram, a really great way to be blocked is to leave a comment on someone else’s post saying “follow me.” Don’t you hate that?

Fast Path to Losing Followers: Say you sell followers in a message on someone else’s post.

Who Have You Unfollowed Today?

If you’ve unfriended, unfollowed, or blocked someone today, why? I’d love to hear from you!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: failure, Followers, Instagram, less is more, LinkedIn, Pinterest, subtraction, Twitter, unfollowing, unfriending

The Seven Social Media Creatures You’ll See in the Woods

May 5, 2016 By Carol Stephen 14 Comments

The seven social media creatures you’ll see in the woods.

The woods are famous for tall trees and hiking. The woods are also famous for trolls. So although you may think it’s the hiking that makes you more creative, it’s actually all the running away from trolls and other creatures that gives your brain that creative edge.

Photo by MiguelVieira

Mosquitoes

There you are in your idyllic spot, minding your own bees wax (more on bees later), when along comes a mosquito. But they’re never alone. They always have tens or hundreds of friends. You could say they’re the extroverts of small woodland creatures. In Social Media Land, mosquitoes steal your work, and leave you feeling anemic.

Then There Are Ticks

Ticks are the multi-level marketing people of the woods to me. They will give you anything if only you’ll send your bank account number to a friendly Nigerian prince, separated from his family. He does not need all the money, just a small fee. Ticks are the same way. By the way, if you want to survive the Social Media Doldrums, here are some clues.

Butterflies and Moths

There are butterfly people, and then there are moth people. Butterfly people flit around and you can never get them to commit. Moths are the ones who do all the work. Just bring a lightbulb and you’ll see what I mean. Be careful, though: invite a moth into your home and they’ll build a nest in your sweater drawer! In social media terms, butterflies will promise you anything but never deliver.

Photo by peretzp

Bees

There are many kinds of bees. Bumblebees, honeybees, and miner bees. The solitary bees are the hard-workingest bees of the woods. They don’t sting because they don’t have honey to protect. And they don’t have big ol’ hives, either. Bees are different than WASPS. WASPS go to church (they are mostly Presbyterians). If you encounter a group of WASPS, make sure to sit in an empty pew.

Birds

Although they are small, hummingbirds are *holes. They refuse to stop humming, even when they don’t know the tune. This is not acceptable, even in an election year. If you carry a tennis racquet around, though, you should be pretty safe. In social media, hummingbirds are those annoying people who don’t know when to quit.

Deer

One time, I was at my dad’s house, and a deer came tearing down the street, jumped over his mailbox, and landed on a car. Therefore, because of logic, are deer all dangerous. Don’t let those big doe eyes fool you. In social media land, this is the person who spreads those bad rumors about “if you don’t share this with ten people, bad things will happen!” The best way to deal with these people? Send them to Snopes.

Skunks

Of all the denizens of the woods, skunks are the most powerful. Pound for pound, skunks can outperform any parfumerie. A little skunk goes a long way. The skunk is the Kardashian of the Internet. Apologies to the skunks.

Photo by matt hutchinson

Can You Find Any Scientific Inaccuracies in This Post?

If you can, leave me a comment! Thanks!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: bees, butterflies, creativity, hiking, ticks, walking, wasps