We’ve all heard about why it’s a fabulous idea to have an old-school social media manager. But who ever talks about the downside? Nobody, that’s who! And who compares it to a Zombie Apocalypse? Nobody again!
Every Post is So Appropriate
Not only do old-schoolers research posts, but they also make sure each post matches the tone and is perfect for the audience. Again, there is no time for this kind of malarkey during an apocalypse. Staying alive is all that matters. Here’s a terrific article about U.S. States Most and Least Likely to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse.
If you hire an old-school Social Media Manager (“SMM”), they’re probably going to go on about how things were better in “the good old days.” Maybe they were. Because there was no Internet. But rather than you having to listen patiently to that kind of baloney, wouldn’t you rather be honing your basic survival skills? Of course you would.
Lacking in Emojis
Will your Facebook page have enough emoticons on it if you hire an old-school SMM? Probably not. A zombie apocalypse would be full of emoticons, if only because writing with a stick in the sand is already difficult enough. Emoticons are easier. Hence another win for zombie apocalypse!
They Are So Darn Polite!
Why, an old-school SMM would probably say thank you as well as please and also “the pleasure is all mine.” Not only that, they might not cuss at all! Whereas a zombie apocalypse is *&^%ing full of cussing! Zombie Apocalypse: 4. Old-schoolers: 0.
Too Much Research!
Before old-school SMMs post something, they have to read it. But during a zombie apocalypse there is NO TIME. So up it goes! This is a huge time saver. By the way, here’s an article about how to do social media in 60 minutes day.
Old-School SMMs Never Get Drunk and Post
How much fun is that? They don’t have to delete a bunch of posts the day after a binge, either. During an apocalypse, though? Nobody cares! Do the drunken math!
Old-School SMMs Don’t Make Off-Color Jokes
They’ve seen what can happen if you bully or taunt people, and they won’t do that. Those are the best kind of jokes, right? But during an apocalypse nothing is off-limits!
They’re Over Experienced
Old-school SMMs have years of experience, sometimes even in the marketing arena. In an apocalypse, nobody has any experience. It’s all about getting through the day alive.
Their Communication Skills Are Terrific
Some of them grew up before there was social media or computers. And they know how to use punctuation, too. By the way, do you want to know whether Punctuation is Important? But during a zombie apocalypse nobody cares about the Oxford Comma!
Old-School SMMs Know What to Do in a Crisis
They’ve been in a crisis before, but have they ever played paintball or wielded an AK-47? Probably not. So there you have it! A zombie apocalypse is better than having an old-school SMM!