The seven social media creatures you’ll see in the woods.

The woods are famous for tall trees and hiking. The woods are also famous for trolls. So although you may think it’s the hiking that makes you more creative, it’s actually all the running away from trolls and other creatures that gives your brain that creative edge.

Photo by MiguelVieira

Mosquitoes

There you are in your idyllic spot, minding your own bees wax (more on bees later), when along comes a mosquito. But they’re never alone. They always have tens or hundreds of friends. You could say they’re the extroverts of small woodland creatures. In Social Media Land, mosquitoes steal your work, and leave you feeling anemic.

Then There Are Ticks

Ticks are the multi-level marketing people of the woods to me. They will give you anything if only you’ll send your bank account number to a friendly Nigerian prince, separated from his family. He does not need all the money, just a small fee. Ticks are the same way. By the way, if you want to survive the Social Media Doldrums, here are some clues.

Butterflies and Moths

There are butterfly people, and then there are moth people. Butterfly people flit around and you can never get them to commit. Moths are the ones who do all the work. Just bring a lightbulb and you’ll see what I mean. Be careful, though: invite a moth into your home and they’ll build a nest in your sweater drawer! In social media terms, butterflies will promise you anything but never deliver.

Photo by peretzp

Bees

There are many kinds of bees. Bumblebees, honeybees, and miner bees. The solitary bees are the hard-workingest bees of the woods. They don’t sting because they don’t have honey to protect. And they don’t have big ol’ hives, either. Bees are different than WASPS. WASPS go to church (they are mostly Presbyterians). If you encounter a group of WASPS, make sure to sit in an empty pew.

Birds

Although they are small, hummingbirds are *holes. They refuse to stop humming, even when they don’t know the tune. This is not acceptable, even in an election year. If you carry a tennis racquet around, though, you should be pretty safe. In social media, hummingbirds are those annoying people who don’t know when to quit.

Deer

One time, I was at my dad’s house, and a deer came tearing down the street, jumped over his mailbox, and landed on a car. Therefore, because of logic, are deer all dangerous. Don’t let those big doe eyes fool you. In social media land, this is the person who spreads those bad rumors about “if you don’t share this with ten people, bad things will happen!” The best way to deal with these people? Send them to Snopes.

Skunks

Of all the denizens of the woods, skunks are the most powerful. Pound for pound, skunks can outperform any parfumerie. A little skunk goes a long way. The skunk is the Kardashian of the Internet. Apologies to the skunks.

Photo by matt hutchinson

Can You Find Any Scientific Inaccuracies in This Post?

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