Bad Social Media Manager Secrets
Your startup just got started up. Everything’s going great. The only problem is your social media has stalled. Or you have 3 Twitter followers and your avatar is still an egg! You spend all your time fixing software bugs, and by the end of the day, you’re exhausted. Who has time for Tweeter, Faceplant, and Pinteresting? Not to mention GooglePlex and Instacramp? Not you, that’s for sure!
Note: I’m exaggerating–most startup managers are knowledgeable about these platforms, just not all of them.
You already know the attributes of a good social media manager, but do you know how to find a terrible social media manager? Here are some ideas to get you started.
Cutting-Edge Technology
Ask your friends down at Bernie’s Bar if they know anyone who’s bought a computer lately, and more importantly, knows what a computer is. Two thumbs up if the computer comes with a keyboard. Make sure they have a CompuServe account. Write them a letter and ask them to Fax them your resume.
Massive Followers
Make sure your new best friend claims they can get you 20,000 followers the first week. Never mind that they are bots they bought. Numbers are what matter for “social proof.”
Addictions
Recruit People with Addictions
Recruit people with active addictions because they’re so interesting! They’ve got the best stories, that’s for sure. Double points if your social media manager likes to “drunk tweet!”
Me, Me, Me
Ensure that your new manager only ever talks about himself. 98% of the posts should be about the business. This includes Direct Messages that say “FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK!” ALL IN CAPS.
Inflammatory Content
Your new manager should love political diatribes, sexist jokes, and be xenophobic: the trifecta of a bad manager!
Ask Favors
Get a manager who’s always asking others with good followings for favors–such as retweets, shares, and unfounded testimonials.
Many Internet Identities
Maintain Many Identities Across the Interwebz
Your manager should have lots of fake identities all over the interwebz, so all your “fans” can give you constant good reviews. There is no downside to this strategy, and it will never backfire!
Sporadic Posting
Your manager should post all at once one day a week and not spread out the posts throughout the week.
Never Thank Anyone
Good manners are prehistoric! It goes without saying that people know you’re grateful. Your manager doesn’t actually have to thank anyone.
Huge Advance
Make sure that the person wants a huge advance before doing any work or explaining any strategy. Because what could go wrong?
Account Control
Your new friend should have absolute control over the passwords and domains. They never need to show you your passwords unless you give them a big pile of money. And be sure to give them your credit card number!
What Are Some of Your Favorite Worst Practices?
Have any secrets that I missed?
That’s a thousand times funny. Compuserve is a nice touch.
Thanks, Bridget Willard!
This one was really fun to write.
Sincerely,
Carol
My favorite is “we will guarantee to get your brand at the top of all Google searches within the first six months.” Fun post!
Hi Allen,
That’s a good one! Or else they promise a certain number of sales (no matter what the business is).
Thanks again for the comment. I do appreciate it.
Carol
Very funny yet I’m sure there is a lot of this kind of social media management!
Hi Kim!
Unfortunately, there are many social media managers who promise people the world…and then take the money and run! I hear stories every single day about people getting cheated.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Carol
Very funny post Carol!! But, agree, this is happening. I recently received an automated direct message asking me to follow them on facebook. Although it wasn’t in all caps, I still didn’t like it…
Hello Sandy,
There’s so many automated DMs these days, and so much spam! I wish there was a way to block the spammy ones, but so far there hasn’t been a way!
Thanks for stopping by!
Sincerely,
Carol
Nice post Carol! Tweeter, Faceplant, Pinteresting, GooglePlex and Instacramp – brilliant!
I have to say the worst practise I regularly hear about is SMMs deleting negative comments. I think this is a huge mistake because it provides the business with an opportunity to demonstrate their level of customer service in a transparent environment.
I just finished writing a pretty detailed article on how to become a great social media manager. Would be keen to get your thoughts http://stuartjdavidson.com/social-media-manager/
Hi Stuart,
I agree with you. There’s usually a goldmine in negative comments (unless they’re from trolls!), and to delete them is not a good idea. Addressing them makes a brand look professional. Thank you for the comment, and I’ll take a look at your post.
Sincerely,
Carol
Hello Alejandrina,
I don’t mind being quoted, but the blog post includes some unsavory practices, and looks spammy. Your note looks as though it was written by someone who speaks English; the blog does not appear to have been edited and includes strange phrases. I don’t advocate buying followers, which it seems that your business does.
Sincerely,
Carol Stephen